we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's blow job season.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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