i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
