at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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