if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
