So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
