My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
