The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
