the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
