last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
