I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
