The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
