I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize