took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
