Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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