you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
