Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
