so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
