I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
