Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
