Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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