Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize