your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX