I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
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Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.