i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.