my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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