I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?