It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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