i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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