the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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