There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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