like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
