I must be too annoying 4 u.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
