I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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