ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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