her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
