upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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