Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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