Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
