thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
