Kareoke will never be a sober sport
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
