Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
