I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
