your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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