Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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