I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i think my cat just said my name.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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