He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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