Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
