I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
