fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
