I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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