apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
