just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
