Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
