Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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