Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
