He is such a slut. More and more my type.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
