There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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