based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
