You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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