that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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