well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
