We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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