Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
